long time no speak..

still in san francisco. just quit a job i have been doing for the last year. picked up a few part time gigs and planning to go back into school this coming spring for graphic design/illustration/media art. picking up where i left off just about 10 years ago now...what a decade it has been..!

i'm back on the bandwagon after a couple years of soul searching..yes, i am dating someone. he is quite a character. i want to eat his eyeballs- they look like autumn caramel. i am living with one of my best friends, another best friend is moving here next week and the last best friend needs to get her butt up here.

I've lost someone dear to me this year, gained some wonderful friends, grew closer to my family and have made some incredible self realizations. I am no longer a lost boy...I really feel like a grown up and it feels really wonderful.

hope everyone is doing well out in the livejournal world. I say this every few years: "Does anyone read this thing anymore?". It really has been quite sometime now.....give a shout and say hello if you are out there. I am off to listen to tuck my cat in and throw on a boards of canada record before bed.

life is but a dream

love you all
x

Living in San Francisco and have been quite alone lately.
spending time thinking of my life and where i want to be.
the city is cold and i surprisingly fall in love with it more each day.

solitude seems so necessary for me right now, but i have never felt such
an intense longing for those of my past as i have in the last few months
of my life.

making the decision to rebuild and start from the ground up is
really so much more then packing your bags and leaving.

hope you are all well.

i cried my eyes out tonight about Ashley.
i wish i had spent more time with her in the last few years.
i can't believe she is gone.

i love you girl.
hope you are ok wherever you are.

I will end up living alone and away from everyone one day.

That day will be the happiest day of my life.

i think so much of the past.

driving to ucsd to see vicki almost every day.
staring out at the gray skies from her dorm room.
it was so cold back then.

oscar and I becoming friends and him being the first boy i ever slept in a bed with.
i can still remember feeling safe with him and excited to see him whenever we would meet.

moving to encinitas and being so excited to live with scott, jessica and tanya.
living in a little house three blocks from the beach and chain smoking on the porch in the sunlight.
everything was so fresh and new.

meeting becky, mars, ashley, tomra and my now best friend liz.
feeling like i had met the coolest people in the world and being so happy to be around them.
going to parties, meeting people, listening to music, feeling like i actually belonged.
i didn't feel like an outsider anymore.

i don't live in the past, but i am constantly looking back for bits and pieces.
i feel so nostalgic these days. i wish i hadn't taken those years for granted.
i am still so young, but those were years of my life that changed me.
i came into my own..the time seems all so magical now..everything was a new venture
whether it was the way people were dressing, the music being made or the house parties we were
frequenting.

i feel as though the people around me never occupy their time with this train of thought.
it almost feels like it all never happened.

life is so interesting, joyous and bittersweet.
i am happy to be alive. i love life. really.

goodnight

Can my hair please stop falling out? It's like I'm a cancer patient or something. I am seriously considering asking my doctor if I am ill. I will be powder in like a year basically.

Hair piece? Plugs? or permanent baseball cap?

so annoying.

I am really surprised to hear the news of your current romantic involvements.
I can tell you are going to have so many regrets if you push through life as this character anymore.
Wish you could just see through my eyes for one moment.

sigh--all the love to you.

painting and minor assembly day one
few select pieces from the bunch

I need to get the fuck out of here and into San Francisco. Southern California needs to be a memory of the past for me..for right now at least. I do have to say that I am so happy that I decided to move back from NYC prematurely--the place is a real shit-hole compared to here.

I'm trying to find out what I want to do with myself professionally. I have had a complete turn around from everything I once thought I actually cared about. I hate fashion. Loathe it actually at this point. Maybe I will change my feelings in the future. There are certain pieces of it that I still care about, but as far as being apart of the industry..I don't think so. I have far too much self respect and self worth to allow myself to associate with a majority of the assholes who partake in it all. Never again.

On a lighter note, my tooth hurts. I am listening to my cat snore. I am virtually happy aside from a few minor set backs.

Hope everyone is well--Much Love.

xx